Dr. Sandy Wilson
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From Sandy’s Heart
“When I journeyed though my husband’s betrayal, I struggled with the lack of help available. It wasn’t even the lack of help that discouraged me the most, but it was the people who blamed me for his sinful behavior or told me I should just forgive and get over it. My hope is that on this page, you will find something that will encourage your heart for your journey. I want you to know you’re not alone.” Sandy
Questions of the Heart
It is early morning and the phone rings or I open an e-mail and the opening sentence goes something like,
“My husband has lost his job for looking at porn at work,” or
“My husband is a pastor and made confession to the elders about having multiple affairs. ‘What do I do?'”
There are many versions of the betrayal story but over and over I hear the pain and destruction that is there for the wife and family.
One of the most piercing questions is…
“How do I survive?”
This is a very big question. You start to survive by knowing that you are in shock, and the best thing is to not make big decisions immediately. You need time to feel your feelings and to talk to God about what has happened before making any decisions.
You will also be bombarded in you head with a multitude of questions. Just know that you will find the answers, but it does take time.
Ask your husband what he intends to do to deal with his problem. When he tells you, listen to your gut. If he just suggests that he won’t do it anymore, stand up and tell him that that won’t be enough. If your gut keeps telling you that his plan is weak, there will need to be more.
If he says in any way that it is your fault, know “That is a lie.”
Remember, this is a journey, and you don’t have to know all of your decisions immediately. Give God time to work in your husband’s life and to help you clarify what you need.
There are books to read. There are also other women who have been through the journey and can help listen while you figure out the steps you need to take.
I really encourage you to resist isolating yourself. Find a safe person with whom you can share your heart and stay connected. Please feel free to send me an e-mail, so we can stay in touch. We want you to know you’re not alone.
Scripture quotations marked (ESV) are from The Holy Bible, English Standard Version® (ESV®),
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